if things don't happen the way you planned or imagined -what would you do? if you'd be living a big pink dream and all of a sudden you realize it was nothing but a horrible lie created and was growing in an imaginary world and you wake up to the harsh reality to find out that dreams rarely come true...
And people say things happen for the best... no matter how bad you feel or how shitty you feel -things happen for the best..and everything happen for a reason! But would you really be able to see the bright side when nothing seems to be right?
Would you be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel?
Would you be able to enjoy the brightness of the stars and to feel the heat of the sun when the sky looks dark and everything goes silent!
But what if you can't find any bright side?! what if things don't turn out to be for the best after all.. what if it's just a sentence you keep on saying and everyone keep on repeating as a way to be distracted from seeing what's there... the unbearable!
what if with each time it takes you to hear this sentence 'things happen for the best' there's a huge warm part of you that goes dead, cold and numb and there's no way to make it go back to what it was... you can't fix what's broken... you can try, struggle, and put so much energy but it's just broken.. deep inside your heart and mind you'll always know that it was once broken and because of that it can get broken easily again and again and again...
To talk, it's easy... but to apply what's said you need strength.. and if you don't have any left then you just go back to talking.. you hope that talk can get you to act at one point or another!
And it's said that each mistake make you learn something.. or at least would happen so that you'd know it's a mistake and mistakes should never be repeated... but one might do the same mistake again just to prove that things might work differently and that this time it's different.. if i give more it'd be different or maybe if i give less it'd be different.. and you'd be in this mess forever just to realise that mistakes are mistakes.. they don't mean anything else... not now,,, not ever!
Sometimes you'd just turn all your senses down and refuse to LISTEN, to SEE, to THINK... you'd ignore all the clear signs, when there would be many and if you are from the challenging ones then you'd get more joy in going on and insisting that you are right and everyone else is wrong! It's like a game, either you win and prove that you're right or you lose and just give up to the fact that everyone was right from the beginning and you shoud've LISTENED or at least paid more attention to the signs and just thought about them for a while instead of pushing them far away in an attempt to ignore!
if you live to give support to others and tell them to be strong and tell them what to do and what not to do to survive would it mean that you are ok? would it mean that you are happy and wise or is it just a mask that you build and a shell to protect that little weak thing inside you so that others wouldn't see the real you...? would making others believe in hope means that you believe in it?
Yet the closest to your heart might be the ones who hurt you the most.. the ones who don't appreciate you enough.. the ones who give you every reason to be depressed... the ones who make you feel down when everyone around make you feel special... would making people feel bad about themselves help you to gain power? Would it make you feel better when making others feel down? Would their tears make your heart dance? Or is it just a way to show that no matter what you do they'd be there for you and again this would make you gain more and more power?
Would hurt be justified as a way of love? Would jealousy mean love? would possesivness be one type of love? if not .. then what is love? It's something you can never find a definition for as each one shows it in a different way, his unique way that makes him special... that makes him unforgettable!... this is why sometimes you hear the phrase ' i loved you with all my heart but in my own way'...
Sometimes you wake up and all of a sudden you just feel you're missing something.. and you're just not complete.. it's like you've been in a really long trip trying to find out what you want or what you miss or what would make you satisfied but with no result and then you'd be more confused... and you'd end up having all the unanswered questions again! what do I want? where do I want to go? what do I want to achieve? who do i miss the most? what can i do for a change? i need a major change.. but how... what... where? would a change make me happy? what is happiness?
And then you have to chose.. either you start to walk and continue from where you stopped, holding your head high (and this reminds me of something funny that one of my friends said to me... hold your head high, you are beautiful!xxx )- I wish it's this easy, but anyway nice try :)!... or you'd just live in the past, and keep thinking what if... what if i did things differently.. what if it was my mistake... what if i wasn't there, didn't do so, learned from my mistakes... so it's up to you to decide!! and it's up to you to go on with building this shell as a result to the fact that it's the only thing you can do to protect yourself from future failures... it's all in your hands.. because no one else would do that for you! Only you...
*Last two pictures are taken by and life goes on...®*