Simply ME...

A star or a rainy cloud,,, realistic or a dreamer,,, tough or emotional,,, a butterfly or a dolphin,,, it is all about me reflecting the transparent me!

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

unanswered Qs

if things don't happen the way you planned or imagined -what would you do? if you'd be living a big pink dream and all of a sudden you realize it was nothing but a horrible lie created and was growing in an imaginary world and you wake up to the harsh reality to find out that dreams rarely come true...

And people say things happen for the best... no matter how bad you feel or how shitty you feel -things happen for the best..and everything happen for a reason! But would you really be able to see the bright side when nothing seems to be right?

Would you be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel?
Would you be able to enjoy the brightness of the stars and to feel the heat of the sun when the sky looks dark and everything goes silent!

But what if you can't find any bright side?! what if things don't turn out to be for the best after all.. what if it's just a sentence you keep on saying and everyone keep on repeating as a way to be distracted from seeing what's there... the unbearable!

what if with each time it takes you to hear this sentence 'things happen for the best' there's a huge warm part of you that goes dead, cold and numb and there's no way to make it go back to what it was... you can't fix what's broken... you can try, struggle, and put so much energy but it's just broken.. deep inside your heart and mind you'll always know that it was once broken and because of that it can get broken easily again and again and again...

To talk, it's easy... but to apply what's said you need strength.. and if you don't have any left then you just go back to talking.. you hope that talk can get you to act at one point or another!
And it's said that each mistake make you learn something.. or at least would happen so that you'd know it's a mistake and mistakes should never be repeated... but one might do the same mistake again just to prove that things might work differently and that this time it's different.. if i give more it'd be different or maybe if i give less it'd be different.. and you'd be in this mess forever just to realise that mistakes are mistakes.. they don't mean anything else... not now,,, not ever!

Sometimes you'd just turn all your senses down and refuse to LISTEN, to SEE, to THINK... you'd ignore all the clear signs, when there would be many and if you are from the challenging ones then you'd get more joy in going on and insisting that you are right and everyone else is wrong! It's like a game, either you win and prove that you're right or you lose and just give up to the fact that everyone was right from the beginning and you shoud've LISTENED or at least paid more attention to the signs and just thought about them for a while instead of pushing them far away in an attempt to ignore!

if you live to give support to others and tell them to be strong and tell them what to do and what not to do to survive would it mean that you are ok? would it mean that you are happy and wise or is it just a mask that you build and a shell to protect that little weak thing inside you so that others wouldn't see the real you...? would making others believe in hope means that you believe in it?

Yet the closest to your heart might be the ones who hurt you the most.. the ones who don't appreciate you enough.. the ones who give you every reason to be depressed... the ones who make you feel down when everyone around make you feel special... would making people feel bad about themselves help you to gain power? Would it make you feel better when making others feel down? Would their tears make your heart dance? Or is it just a way to show that no matter what you do they'd be there for you and again this would make you gain more and more power?

Would hurt be justified as a way of love? Would jealousy mean love? would possesivness be one type of love? if not .. then what is love? It's something you can never find a definition for as each one shows it in a different way, his unique way that makes him special... that makes him unforgettable!... this is why sometimes you hear the phrase ' i loved you with all my heart but in my own way'...

Sometimes you wake up and all of a sudden you just feel you're missing something.. and you're just not complete.. it's like you've been in a really long trip trying to find out what you want or what you miss or what would make you satisfied but with no result and then you'd be more confused... and you'd end up having all the unanswered questions again! what do I want? where do I want to go? what do I want to achieve? who do i miss the most? what can i do for a change? i need a major change.. but how... what... where? would a change make me happy? what is happiness?

And then you have to chose.. either you start to walk and continue from where you stopped, holding your head high (and this reminds me of something funny that one of my friends said to me... hold your head high, you are beautiful!xxx )- I wish it's this easy, but anyway nice try :)!... or you'd just live in the past, and keep thinking what if... what if i did things differently.. what if it was my mistake... what if i wasn't there, didn't do so, learned from my mistakes... so it's up to you to decide!! and it's up to you to go on with building this shell as a result to the fact that it's the only thing you can do to protect yourself from future failures... it's all in your hands.. because no one else would do that for you! Only you...

*Last two pictures are taken by and life goes on...®*


  • At October 25, 2006 , Anonymous Ammar Ibrahim said...

    Life can be really harsh, and sometimes it gets really hard to see the bright side, if there was one.

    Knowing you for such a long time, I must say you truely deserve to be happy and satisfied. It's really strange that things don't go the way we wish....

    There are always two ways to react: get depressed or to carry on. It's always our choices that change our life, the harder the choice, the bigger is the impact.

    "Don't Worry Be Happy"

  • At October 25, 2006 , Anonymous caller said...

    Asalam 3alaykom,
    You wrote that wonderfully..
    So true
    And what amazes me is that when it comes to those kind of wonders and feelings..we are all exactly the same..As if humanity is a long smooth road and your speciality is the unique signs you see as u walk..
    As i Felt those exact same words..word by word ..recently..
    thank u

  • At October 26, 2006 , Anonymous M1 said...

    The Butterfly Effect, By Dima ;)
    Excellent Post! and keep Qs unanswered ;)

  • At October 26, 2006 , Blogger eyad said...

    nice post, but don't want to add anything here, you said what i would like to say :)

  • At October 26, 2006 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I strangely relate to every single word you wrote .. The mind will forever be the heart's fool.. I admire your courage to express yourself that way, I always try to spill out and write how i feel but at the last word I just erase it because I can't stand being open like this, it hurts me and scares me even more, kudos to you, you're courageous at least :)

    Hope you make the right choice..

  • At October 26, 2006 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I strangely relate to every single word you wrote .. The mind will forever be the heart's fool.. I admire your courage to express yourself that way, I always try to spill out and write how i feel but at the last word I just erase it because I can't stand being open like this, it hurts me and scares me even more, kudos to you, you're courageous at least :)

    Hope you make the right choice..

  • At October 26, 2006 , Blogger and life goes on... said...

    thanks to all :)

  • At January 27, 2007 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    The world is in the palm of your hand. You make your world by your own influence around you. The tunnel is lit, by your love and on-look on things. Forget about what hurt you, and in a year's time it'll be history and a distant memory. Nothing is perfect or whole, you're broken and so is every human, finding the right match completes the other. Talking, exchange of words is only worth if you're communicating something, but talking can turn to endless pain if it continues regurgitating the same & no change, best to talk a little about what hurt you, to let it out, then be silent and leave it to time for it to fade.

    Try to avoid the I'm right, you're wrong - people view things differently, it's how persuasive you can be, supporting your arguments with the signs and events to lead you to your conclusions.

    Those closest to your heart, if you've judged them right, worthy of being so close, yet they've done all the abuse you mention, then simply, in reality they're unworthy of your love, and closeness. Should be kicked out!

    As cliche as it sounds, but, love hurts. That's given! But, there's a difference between love hurt, and malice / abuse hurt! If a stranger or person you don't like swore at you, you wouldn't be so bothered, you'd ignore them, but, if a friend, loved one, swore at you, you'd be upset, and feel pain, wanting to sort things out!

    "what do I want? where do I want to go? what do I want to achieve?" These come before those who hurt you! If what you want, conflicts with what they want, & neither can compromise, then move on.

    Take a moment, look at the past, see what mistakes were done, understand them, understand yourself, then, walk, continue your life, hold your head high, you're very smart and beautiful. Walk your path in life, with goals, and those you meet, should continue to walk their paths, and then the both continue on their separate paths, yet are running in parallel together, if together, or different directions.

    You're a flower, and a beautiful one!

    (beautiful is in the context of mind beauty, and then physical appearance!).

    Hope you seldom see sadness or hurt in your life, but, that comes with experience and age to evaluate what should and shouldn't hurt you or make you sad. Hope you rise above this moment in time & shine through more radiant than you are right now.
    Hope you smile, as you light the world with a smile. So many other hopes as well.


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