Simply ME...

A star or a rainy cloud,,, realistic or a dreamer,,, tough or emotional,,, a butterfly or a dolphin,,, it is all about me reflecting the transparent me!

Wednesday, September 30, 2009


A New Addition to My Collection

Monday, September 28, 2009

♥ I am just so speechless ♥

I always write about people - family, friends- those who matter, but I have never ever received or expected to get something that touched me this deeply!!!

I am just so blessed to have you all in my life..

I find it extremely touching, for someone who never runs out of words.. I am just so speechless!!!

Thank you 'L'

'September 27 at 7:35pm Reply
هي انسانه عرفتها بمشيئه القدر.......أحببتها ...........
أثرت بي و في كل خطوه كنت أرى لها نجاحا غير مسبوق أدري أنها ليست عاديه.......
رأيت فيها التحدي فحفزتني
رأيت فيها الصبر فشجعتني
رأيت فيها الصبر فأبهرتني
وصفي لها لن يكفيها و كلماتي لها لن تثنيها!!!!!
عرفتها استثنائيه. نعم انها استثانئه
يكفيني أن وجودها في حياتي هو النسيم العليل الذي يخفف علي مشقه المسير
أمامك العبارات قليله فمهما قلت و كيفما وصفت أنت تخطيتي كل ما يمكن أن يقال
صديقيني أنت مبدعه,خلاقه,جميله و الأروع تلك النفس الرائعه التي تأسرين بها كل من قابلتي أنها أنت يا ديمه
'أوتدرون الأن لما قلت استثنائيه؟؟؟؟؟؟


Friday, September 25, 2009

Just like every 25th / September

Now I came to realize that the words I write and feel are easily shared and expressed, and that's only because of the tenderness and love you showed us all through those years,

and you still do..

you make it all look and feel so natural and so granted, but I truely believe it's neither natural nor granted, it's just so special & rare.. and we're just too blessed to have you..

Maybe I didn't say it enough lately, or maybe I have not been myself lately.. but I love you so much dad. :)

Happy Birthday dad!!!

Labels: ,

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

7-21 days

to have my MacBook back.. I miss it already! All the laptops and computers look ugly, & their keyboards feel strange and unfriendly.

I miss the alt+q, alt+t, F12, and my iphoto. I also miss my wallpapers and my jumping dolphins screensaver.

I thought by keeping the laptop charged all the time, the battery will live longer. I had no clue that it will expand.. and im wondering whether it will explode at some point!? The thought of it makes me scared especially that I keep it close all the time.

Can't wait to have you back!!!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

It is the one time I felt..

I didn't really understand or appreciate the sincerity of flying from one country to another just to be with someone... to see someone .. I didnt understand the source for such an urge .. I didn't value the true strong feelings behind such an act, and I couldn't relate to what it truely represents.

Until, it happened to me one time.. I was the one who made that decision and packed my things and just did it. To be honest, it felt great! I will never regret such a thing.. as much as it was nerve wrecking, as much as I believed it is the one thing that I did with such a fierce power, I fought so hard to make it happen.. It is the one time I felt extremely strong, deeply sincere, so in love, and very courageous!

It is astonishing how much effort a person puts in an attempt to find happiness.. it feels more or less as a an endless journey that has no beginning or end.. pursuing happiness is just like driving in a foggy morning.. it's tough at the beginning then it gets easier as the fog slowly clears.. but since I am not a morning person, it just doesn't work for me..

I always felt that I get attached to people rather than to places, though now I doubt that this is the real case.. when you love someone so much, sometimes it can extend to loving the place in which you shared all the memories with.. it is as big as a continent, a country, a city, an area, and gets smaller to a road, a building, an apartment, a room and even a car...

I remember all the times I flew to be with my parents.. and I remember all the times I flew to be with my sisters, and with her... her smile sends me to this special place, her twinkling eyes paint the future with brighter colors .. and I really really really miss that unique feeling she creates and adds to my world.. it is definitely worth the flying to be with her.. counting the hours, minutes and seconds.. She's an absolute gem.

Monday, September 14, 2009

and yet, everything has changed!

I spent days/ weeks/ months looking out of the same window.. the view didn't change.. the sky was always blue and clear, even when it was rainy or cold, the sky was always blue. A rainbow would come and go.. I was lucky enough to have some photos taken a couple of times for it..

But just one day, everything started to look different.. the view was still the same, yet it was so different from all the other times. The trees were still there, the sky was still blue.. nothing really changed, yet it looked strange and a bit blurry..
No, it was very blurry

Another thing marked that day.. and I remember it vividly now...

There was a star..

The whole time I looked through that same window I didn't see a single star, and it just happened that day.. for the first and last time..
there was a shining bright star, looking back at me.. trying to convey a message.. a lost message... a message that will never ever be delivered..

The star disappeared, and with it the message is gone.
The bright light is no longer there.. though the blue sky and the trees are still there...
Nothing has changed, and yet, everything has changed!

Labels: , , , ,

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

The dreadful COUNTDOWN

It seems that what you fear is what you often get. I have always thought that life is ironic, or maybe it is me trying to explain all the unpleasant shocks, the bitter moments, and the dark times. It is me trying to make sense out of nonsense.

Everytime I say a goodbye I pray to God it would be the last one, only to realise that it just happened to prepare me and make me stronger for the next goodbye! As much as I hate goodbyes, as much as I believe that it's impossible for anyone to break my record of goodbyes (that is if I am just talking about the last two or three years)!
As an emotional person I thought it'll get better with time, but it only gets worse. The pain is bigger and the wound is deeper.

The next 48 hours will be a real torture.. I started the dreadful countdown!

It is the logical explanation for me reaching a phase where I hate airports, I hate traveling, I hate planes, I hate packing, I hate it all.. it makes me sick!! The airport with its disgusting smell, all the emotions involved in the process, the anxiety before departing and after landing, every single bit of it.. I just hate it..

But I am now forced to say goodbye to someone who is just so close to my heart! A real soul mate! Someone who makes me feel that no matter how crazy our world is, it doesn't matter because we'll always have each other. Someone who knows how to make me feel safe, how to give me hope.. someone who loves unconditionally! Someone whom I admire for having strength, belief, determination, and lots of faith. Someone who is just unbreakable.

I guess it's just meant to be, for both of us to be this close, so that we experience the same things in life, go through similar circumstances, and for us both to learn the true meaning of patience. Maybe it is life's way of getting us even closer and more attached..

To the kindest of all, to the most generous of all.. To the one who taught me to be a fighter, to the one who made me understand the true meaning of love..

To the one who is quiet, wise, patient, understanding, caring, warm, loving, unique, generous and so very special. To the one with a name that holds all those lines and more..

My life is scarier, emptier, darker without you..


We both hate and fear the Unknown,, but we both know that we are safe and we will be safe because we are ALWAYS there for each other.
I love you more than you can ever imagine!

طيري يا طيارة طيري يا ورق و خيطان

بدي ارجع بنت صغيرة على سطح الجيران

علي فوق سطوح بعاد عالنسمة الخجولة

أخدوني معهن الأولاد و ردوا لي الطفولة

ضحكات الصبيان و غناني زمان

ردت لي كتبي و مدرستي و العمر اللي كان

و ينساني الزمان على سطح الجيران

لو فينا نهرب و نطير مع هالورق الطاير

تا نكبر بعد بكير شو صاير شو صاير

يا زهر الرمان ميل بهالبستان

تيتسلوا صغار الأرض و يحلو الزمان

و ينساني الزمان على سطح الجيران

Monday, September 07, 2009

Before the Storm

Before the Storm
Judith Lennox

- That she need only take a few steps forward and then there would be no more decisions, no more new starts, no more losses to absorb and endure

- What if she should come to love him too much? could you not choose who you loved, could your emotions never be in tune with your intellect, your self-control?


someone once told me
that you have to choose
what you win or lose
you cant have everything
dont you take chances
you might feel the pain
dont you love in vain
cause love wont set you free
i could stand by the side
and watch this life pass me by
so unhappy but safe as could be

so what if it hurts me
so what if i break down
so what if this world just throws me off the edge
my feet run out of ground
i gotta find my place
i wanna hear my sound
dont care about other pain infront of me
cause im just tryna be happy, yea
just wanna be happy, yea

holding on tightly
just cant let it go
just tryna play my roll
slowly diasappear, oooh
well all these tears
they feel like theyre the same
just different faces, different names
get me outta here
well i can stand by the side
and watch this life pass me by
pass me by

so what if it hurts me
so what if i break down
so what if this world just throws me off the edge
my feet run out of ground
i gotta find my place
i wanna hear my sound
dont care about other pain infront of me
cause im just tryna be happy
just wanna be happy

so any turns that i cant see
ill count a stranger on this road
but dont save it down
dont say anythng

so what if it hurts me
so what if i break down
so what if this world just throws me off the edge
my feet run out of ground
i gotta find my place
i wanna hear my sound
dont care about all the pain infront of me
cause im just tryna be happy
just wanna be happy

Leona Lewis

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

blocked doors

I want to remember the last couple of weeks, but I can't. I have no idea how did I get here. To this new sense of numbness.

Maybe because I have wished for it, and prayed for it over and over again. Everywhere and anywhere.. before sleeping and after waking up. I feel that I am in this place where there are certain doors that are just blocked, I can't go there.. I can't find the memory.. I can't seem to get close to any of it. I try to find concentration and feel what it felt back then.. but I just can't.

I know for a fact that something has changed in me, but it's just like a puzzle.. I can't seem to find the exact turning point. I can't seem to find how or when did it all happen. It is mystery and I will keep it this way!

I am not going to over analyze it, I will just accept it because this confusing numbness is just like a wall that protects me from my own unwanted thoughts, ideas or emotions.