Simply ME...

A star or a rainy cloud,,, realistic or a dreamer,,, tough or emotional,,, a butterfly or a dolphin,,, it is all about me reflecting the transparent me!

Monday, April 30, 2007

stop asking me 'what's wrong?!!!', please!

The thing that I hate the most is when you feel down, stressed out, or even mad at someone or from a certain thing..
and then a person comes and keeps asking you 'what's wrong with you?!',,, 'Is there anything wrong?!',,, 'you look different today!',,, 'is everything ok?!',,, 'Is there anything you want to tell me?!!'
Even if there WAS nothing wrong.. not even the slightest thing going wrong... just hearing those words continuously makes you in an extremely bad mood, and you'd get to feel that there must be something wrong! So you start to create things, or come up with things, that would make your world look gloomier!

The other day, -I never and I mean NEVER had the black bags under my eyes'.. never knew what they meant, or how they looked.. never even bothered to buy a concealer to hide such things, and then someone told me you have black bags under your eyes! And now whenever I look in the mirror I keep checking under my eyes.. It just terribly annoys me.

So if there's nothing wrong going on, by hearing such words, many things start to look wrong or bad for you.
Recently, I've decided to be around people who reflect some positive energy and a positive attitude. Somestimes saying small words- that you think have little meaning- can make someone extremely bothered. Even if you say them to show you care, or to show your love... such things if said in a wrong time or a wrong way, they would have the very opposite meaning.

It's really important to chose the ones you want to spend your free time with,,, the ones you want to include in outings... lately, I felt that some people can make you feel down easily. No matter how good you feel, they turn to experts when it comes to ruining your mood!

Think before you say things, If each one gets to be treated in the same way he treats people.. Im sure there will be less trouble .. and definitely less headaches!

Sunday, April 29, 2007

sinking into endless DOUBTS

I was inspired by Soul Blossom's recent post.
Once I read it, I was able to relate immediately to what was written, as I know many people who are going through the same scenario -fighting mixed confusing signals, which make them suffer and give them every reason to be down.

I don't get it.. Why do guys tend to send wrong blurry signals most of the times?!
I've witnessed so many cases and it just makes me speechelss! I remember one time, I thought a friend is exaggerating and misunderstading things. But then from what was said, and done.. it made me think, hell NO, it's his problem.. he's showing one thing yet meaning another. Being a flirt is nice sometimes, but when flirting includes hinting to take this relationship into the next level,, then this is what I call 'playing around'.
Then after those hints hit the target, he just disappears as if nothing really happened, pretending that he was completely misunderstood.

What's wrong with being clear?!

If im to ignore the certain look that says 'Im so interested',,, and to ignore all the sweet nice words, then what about the actions and the extra attention!!?

If you want friendship, then we- 'girls', know how to act and react. We know the boundaries.. we know what it takes and what should be done.

I don't get it.. why can't some guys be a little bit more mature,,, it's not so hard to know if you like someone.. if you don't, then just let that someone live and give her the freedom of choice instead of making her sink into endless doubts and false visions! Stop wasting her time -trying to analyze every word you say.. move you do... look you give! Give her a 'Yes or No'.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

...NOT even life itself

A friend told me.. 'One thing is certain about life,,, it's that life is uncertain'

As we grow up, we start to build dreams. Some might see themselves in a policeman uniform (and this happens mostly with all the boys at a certain age), ,,, others would tend to build the 'want to be like dad or mom' image..
As we get older, we start to realise that there is much more to what we want, need, and what we wish for. There's reality, which we have to accept and respect.

Im not against planning, because it helps in making us draw some lines,,, create a path... so as not to get mixed up and get stuck in the middle.

But Im against the blind planning, when we have only one plan.
And no matter what happens things should go by what's planned or else we get lost,, trapped! Sometimes things get blurry.. the vision would not be so clear, and a 'one path' would definitely be of no help.

This is one thing I will always remember, and keep in mind! You can't take anything or anyone for granted. Nothing is certain, not even life itself.
Shocking yet true.. if you can be certain, then you would sit back and won't even bother with anything.
If you can be certain, then how to be motivated?!
If you can be certain, then why to work towards your goals.
If you can be certain, then why to pray,,, ask for... why to hope!
What's life ... if it's certain!!?!

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

personal ? too personal!?

Im glad that I took a break.. a time away (some of you might smile thinking it's hardly to be considered 'a time away'.. that was too short)! well for me it was, short, long, whatever, it feels great and refreshing.. Im ready and BACK,,, this is all what matters (for the ones who like the fact that im away, sorry to disappoint you.. but Im BACK and strong!)!!

I had many people asking me about the reason that made me go silent, and others who told me that they miss reading my posts. A dear friend who's in the other part of the world said I should send him my posts in an e-mail if I want to stop, which made me realise that it's time for me to be back! Especially now, that Im so hyper and in such a funny mood. This would be the right time to get back.. I terrible miss my pink corner.

I needed time away, because blogging became more like an addiction for me! And I needed to get in touch with my friends and family,, so that later on I wouldn't regret not making the right use of my time here.

And another reason is that I started to get bothered from the fact that I can't differenciate between what's personal and what's too personal! So I sometimes cross the lines and there were many times at a certain point when I felt this would be unfair to the closest ones to my heart. Being transparent and an open book, make it extremely hard -nearly impossible- for me not to share so many things that should be considered 'personal.. or too personal' , and just keep them to myself,,
I would have a conflict inside me .. and get extremely confused, thinking whether I should blog things or not, and then most of the times I end up blogging them!! which is not so wise! Really.

I had plenty of time for myself, was super active , active and more active. I did new things (for the first time), funny interesting things, and made some great decisions. All of which are for the best inshalla...

Thursday, April 19, 2007


I will be away for a while, but will keep reading others' blogs as it's something I've always enjoyed.

I don't think I can be really 'AWAY', the way I want to, but will give it a try... I will keep missing my 'Simple ME' with each passing day.

Though this is what I need and intend to do.

Will be missing you all!

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

You've got to be kidding... NO?!!!

For all of you who care to know what happened with me today, and my latest dentist stories. Again, I repeat, I don't want to stop candies and sweets, I changed my mind, I will stop eating! In fact I lost so much weight.. it makes me happy, I don't even need to start any diet, this is what I call a natural stronger one. Less food will give me more time to delay the dentist check ups. HOPEFULLY!

I admit that I was dead scared, too nervous, and probably drove him crazy. But still this is not an excuse for him to break something that's called a 'FILE' inside my tooth. A file is a very thin needle.. so the needle is still there, can you believe it? And will be left till saturday! I was like .. Why God?!! Why?!!

So he said I don't want you to be scared or anything, but blah blah blah.. so I smiled at him and said you're kidding right! But it turned out he's not !!!
The good news is that Im still numb, from all the injections of course. I don't feel the slightest thing. Though Im wondering if I'd feel it when the injections' effect is gone. Im too scared to worry about this right now.
Im so used to the dentist that I know all the steps, ,, I welcome anything, injections are my favorite. I open my mouth so wide even before he asks me, and if he says we'll try to do it without any, I say no no please, I just love taking them -the numb feeling afterwards and during the whole process is good!

What was funny, is that the clips on my hair kept getting stuck with the dentist's sleeves, so he said I don't believe it, even your hair is resisting! Tough woman! haha

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

TOO much hate,

Can too much hate lead to too much love?!!

Im one of those people who believe that it's hard to control one's feelings.
I ALWAYS find a justified answer and a proper excuse to almost all the futureless, hopeless and even wrong relationships, by saying 'I understand, sometimes it's hard to control your feelings'!
A Heart can beat strongly turning one's world upside down, and blocking any rational thinking.

But today, while I was watching one of those shows, they had this story of a woman who fell in love with her brother's killer! Isn't this GROSS!?? I mean totally GROSS and ABSURD!?

And to start this love story while him being in jail!! This is way too much! What makes it worse is that he shot him to steal 30$ .. she says that she loved her brother and that they were soul mates,, and was overwhelmed with grief after his death! I say .. BULLSHIT.

I find it so hard to accept and even believe this! Feelings sometimes get out of control, yes, I do understand. But how can she create feelings for someone who ended her brother's life.. ??!
Is it DISGUSTING, or am I overreacting?!?

Monday, April 16, 2007

enough is ENOUGH

I've been home for weeks now,,, living a very ugly boring routine, go to work then come back home, watch tv or read then sleep and work again..

Just sitting, counting the days waiting for something to happen.. living but not enjoying any of it.. it felt more like when you eat good food and you have a cold at the same time.. you keep on eating but without enjoying the taste or the different sweet flavors!

And this is when I felt that im turning to a very annoying bridezilla.. with nothing useful to do but to wait! The only thing that kept me busy was driving everyone around me crazy!

It took me quite a while to realise what im doing to myself and to everyone else! But now that I know, I wish I can change some of the things that i've done, yet Im glad I have sometime to sort some of the damage.
For people who think it's easy, let me tell you that it's not! it's so much pressure, so much tension,,, a seriously complicated mess, so many mixed feelings and weird emotions that sometimes you just can't but blow up. And not to forget the too much excitement which makes you just want to get there as fast as possible.. and of course there's nothing worse than missing loved ones.. this alone makes you numb and sad.

The waiting is bad and the too much worrying annoys,, since I don't have any patience and Im the biggest worrier,, this makes me a uniquely annoying bridezilla!! I admit!

But then two days ago, I thought that this MUST stop. MUST come to an end. I should find a way to get out of what im going through,,, stop this crazy phase and start to act and think rationally... I can't stop my life and wait.. I have to go back to the active D with a busy schedule.

So im back.. and it really feels great to be back! To the positive me.. seeing life with its amazing rainbow colors and all the lovely shades.. but I just want to say sorry to all the people i've hurt!
I get much more hurt when I hurt someone than when I get hurt by someone. Which might be weird yet good because it's then when I know that I need to stop!

There's nothing nicer than the feeling of being active and enjoying life to the fullest,,, to reflect the optimism and positiveness on everyone,,.. now nothing is stopping me! I have something to do every single day and Im getting to enjoy what im doing rather than just waiting till the day ends so that another day would start!

Saturday, April 14, 2007

S H A L L OWness

Does time really matter?

Some people think that knowing a person for a long time and by long I mean 5+ years would make the 'Will you marry me?!' RIGHT and WISE!

But who are you to decide if it's right or wrong or just in time, and what does the '5+ years' mean?! You can spend half of your life with someone hiding behind a mask (and this can happen easily,, there are many lousy -low losers out there) only to know when it's just too late that you've been deceived.. yet you can spend so little time with someone to feel as if you already know him for ages .. when two pure souls meet... there's a strange force that makes them belong to each other. A power that makes all the time in the world means so little to what is deeply and sincerely felt.

Time factor in relationships is so irrelevant!!

What's the measurement.. 2 years? 3 years? 5 years? You can spend 10 years knowing someone and spend so little time with him.. so for those out there this should also count.. NO?!

Knowing someone would in no way be comapred to living with someone, and since the two are not the same, the time spent in knowing that one without living with him should not make any difference. Cause in both cases it would be the same,,, long, short, shouldn't really matter. Still living with him would be different.

Years ago, I used to say 'I can never chose to spend my whole life with someone without knowing him for a minimum of 5 years'.. or I believed so! And with time I realised that relationships cannot be judged by how much time ,,, or how long,,, or how many years. There's much more than that.

To talk about relationships and measure their strength depending on that mainly, is what I call pure shallowness.

Thursday, April 12, 2007


I went through the worst, most painful 24 hours IN MY WHOLE LIFE!

Even after the car accident and the 40 eye's stitches, with all the bruises I had.. all of that cannot be compared to what I've been through yesterday night and today morning.

So after having red allergic infected eyes, I had to spend less time infront of the computer screen etc, but that was all ok, up till the first signs of pain were felt coming from one of my lower teeth.
I was in bed trying to sleep, this is when the pain started, it was more like a drill knocking- splitting my head into two.
It was so painful that I wasn't so sure if the pain was coming from the lower or upper teeth.. the left part of my face, (eye , ear, cheeck and head) started to hurt so badly.. the whole area became like a part of its own, and had its own separate pulse..

This is when I got dressed and dad took me to the emergency at 10 pm. They couldn't do a lot, just a silly useless x-ray, and was about to give me a pain killer injection but I refused and settled with the 600 SUPER pain killers pills... two of them. Which did NOTHING.. nothing worked! Why is it called a pain killer, when it has nothing to do with pain.. ?! I had an aweful night waking up 4 times .. then started to count the hours that would get me closer to the morning so that I'd run to the dentist who's specialised in nerves' treatment.

As he started to work, and with all the numbness I felt and the additional injections the pain NEVER stopped. Not even once! He said he'll pull out the infected nerve. I said fine please go ahead.. I don't need it anymore. I don't want it anymore.. just do anything for this pain to stop!
You can even pull the whole tooth out, two teeth, please don't even hesitate! But to my bad luck.. he just couldn't! All the canals were damaged, and that made the nerve extremely difficult to remove. He said it is severly infected! But what does severly mean? There's no way I can go back home with that nerve still there and that kind of pain, NO WAY!
Though this is what happened..

But well.. next week he'll have to remove that horrible nerve! I cant imagine I would go through this again.. Im praying for a miracle to happen before next week.. Oh God!
He warned me saying if the normal way doesn't work, then he has to drill.. and drilling means that I will be in so much pain.. just the thought of this drilling thing makes me want to faint!

But now I know one thing for sure. NO more CANDIES! NO more SWEETS! + I STILL HATE DENTISTS.. more than ever!!

Monday, April 09, 2007

it's easy,,, it's fun

People start learning to cook rice, chicken, meat etc,,, but since I can't live without desserts , I learned to do my one and only very favorite 'Apple Crumble And Vanilla Ice Cream'.

I remember one time I did it with 'T' and since I'm very fast at everything I do, I ended up putting 3 cups of brown sugar instead of only 1.5 ! It wasn't that bad, but we had the brown sugar sticking and floating everywhere.. at that time I was wondering why does it look too brown!

Today, I tried to slow down a little bit though it was hard since I made two, one for sisters and the other one for friends..(this was the only way for me to make sure they won't start eating from my friend's when I go to work tomorrow morning)
I had to go 3 times to the supermarket though! Each time I get something, then go back home only to discover that there's something else missing. And when I thought I was finally done, I discovered that the brown sugar I have is not enough, so I ended up going to 4 different places to look for it.. how can it not be available, brown sugar has the sweetest taste and without it desserts would not be as good. I have an issue with brown sugar, when the recipe says 1 cup I put 2 ... just in case!

Here is the link, check it out.. it's easy, it's fun and it can be done in 15 minutes -if you have the apples ready and peeled! -that's the only thing that takes time..
let me know if you like... if you don't, then no need to say and share! :)

It doesn't look too good from the outside, but it is DELICIOUS!

Sunday, April 08, 2007

*** next

Never in my whole life, I believed in them!
Even before my business trips, not even once I felt I need to follow them.

But now it seems they're the only things that keep me on track and sane!

It might be because of all the things I have on mind, and all the things I need to get, yet I think it's mainly because Im dealing with large amounts of money! And this is the first time to experience such a thing...

I can't live without my checklists and personal excel finance sheets.. though the more I look at my checklists the more things I add, and the longer the list becomes, but nonetheless they seem to be the only things that help me to keep track of time and make me aware of what's still need to be done with the kind of lousy memory I have..

I discovered lately a new passion, and a new conclusion. It's not important to study what you like, what's extremely important is to study what you like to work with.
I love to deal with numbers, calculations, budgeting and all the headaches it cause. I just love it! I love to fit those numbers in my excel sheets, which don't always work properly... but still I love the part where I fit them all and create the equations.. It's so much fun.. plus I do believe it's much more fun to deal with numbers and papers than with people.. after trying what it feels like to have part of your job as a 'customer service'.. I now see it as a big NONO, this is definitely not the kind of thing I want to do for the rest of my life..

The other day we got a call from a passenger asking to be seated with his wife and infant.. there are specific seats for moms with infants designed to carry bassinets.. so the mom and the infants had to sit on that one, but with an aisle between her and her husband because the window seat next to her was occupied.. and the husband got extremely mad and crazy saying 'Is it occupied by a male or female??' (as if we can predict) ,

and then continued 'how dare you do this, do you want my wife to put her head on another man's shoulder while sleeping?!?'... I mean for God's sake can't he just discuss this with his wife privately!!! How can he be this rude to share such thoughts with us!?

Such incidents and many more, gave me a clearer vision of how working in similar fields would sometimes be and how much patience it needs! I think my current job was so much fun considering all the travelling I did,,, it also helped me to be more careful in my next choices and options.. and most importantly provided me with a clear image and a detailed description of what I will be looking for -next ...

Thursday, April 05, 2007

The way THEY deal with it

I will give you a summary of how some- what's supposed to be called 'respectable international organisations' or if I want to clarify and be more specified local unqualified managers working in such organisations deal with a loyal employee if he is to leave because of personal uncontrollable circumstances.

They would handle it MEANLY! This is the best way to describe it.

I wonder in what law is it mentioned that an employee should write his resignation 3 months before the real resigning?!!! How bad would this affect him emotionally!

And how on earth is it possible to employ a person before one leaves to fill his position and take responsibility of his duties when he's still there!!!??
How is it possible to have someone physically sharing your desk, computer and phone for 3 whole months?!!

And how can they allow themselves to be as low as one can possibly imagine to honor a workaholic empolyee after 3 whole years of blind loyalty and hard work before leaving in such a lousy way!? This is the memory that he will be taking with him.. a sickening memory!

Is it my fault that I've been clear and honest, or 'stupid' as I see it now to tell them the whole story and inform them with everything so that they will be able to have enough time to train someone instead of having a huge gap after I leave!!!?

I regret it terribly.. they should be awarded with 'a one month notice' ONLY, this is what they will be getting from me!! a one month notice, nothing more... ! not even a day earlier...! This is what they deserve.. If they think they're smart enough knowing the law.. then Im smarter to teach them what the real law says,,, starting from the basics.. the employee's rights and obligations,,, they seem to understand quite well what's the obligations but have no clue about or pretend to be lacking knowledge when it comes to the rights!

Im just so furious ! Being unappreciated is the worst feeling in the world.. and I've been feeling this way for two days now.. BUT it's ok, Im enjoying the game,,, though watch out.. I can be as agressive as hell when fighting for my rights!!!

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

If you are ... look for the one who is,,,

“Choose to be in close proximity to people who are empowering, who appeal to your sense of connection to intention, who see the greatness in you, who feel connected to God, who live a life that gives evidence that Spirit has found celebration through them.”
~ Wayne Dyer

“If I accept you as you are, I will make you worse; however, if I treat you as though you are what you are capable of becoming, I help you become that.”
~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

This is how I see it...

* If you are ambitious ==> look for someone who would back you up... give you all the support and access that you need to rise and excel. Look for the one who believes in your abilities and of your determination, one who would see through you and believe in you when no one else does, and helps you to shine and stay at the top. Someone who's as ambitious to believe in himself first and his abilities because this is what you need .. a continuous generous nonstopping source that strengthens your strength and empower your inner power.

* If you are active ==> look for someone who would share your excitement.. one who would share your interests and encourage you to keep and grow them.
* If you are a dreamer ==> look for someone who has his own dreams, so that he would understand how precious those dreams are for you, and would not ask for explanations when pursuing them, instead he'd walk with you hand in hand towards achieving them. It kills you from the inside to be with someone who has no dreams (what I call ' a dead useless soul').
* If you have a strong personality ==> look for someone who'd have an equal or a stronger personality.. to be with other than that would be unfair to you, as you'll have to change part of who you are, and unfair to him as he'll be nothing but a loser standing next to you.

* If you are loyal ==> be with someone who's as loyal, it'd be a total waste of time to spend your life next to a cheater or a betrayal. A total waste of life too!

* If you are hot blooded and passionate ==> look for the one who'd share your adventures and enjoy them! Being with someone who's cold might cause you a heart attach at a very young age!

* If you are honest and don't accept even white lies ==> avoid liars! Second chances won't be an option, and the very small lie would be so not acceptable. Someone who doesn't give false promises, whose words are always accompanied with actions, whose words are those of a real men.

* If you are sensitive ==> look for someone who's caring and who's as sensitive. One who'd know what to say or do at the very right time... one who'd be considerate and know how to deal with your sensitivity. A rigid stone would be nothing but a cause of a bitter headache.. one who'd never understand when you go down, one who'd never accept you feeling shitty just for the sake of feeling shitty!

* If you are romantic ==> look for someone who can write a poem as a reply to your poetry.. who can give from the heart... who have the ability, willingness to give and not the selfishness to take. One who'd ask you to hear a certain song just because it reminds him of YOU. A person who'd remember your favorite song and your favorite color.. One who believes in sharing!

This is how I see it, and this is -for me- what makes relationships grow and stay strong... but how and why they say 'opposites attract'.. ! ?!
Maybe they do attract.. but I personally don't think it would last for long!!!

what do you think ?!

? YES? NO?...