enough is ENOUGH

I've been home for weeks now,,, living a very ugly boring routine, go to work then come back home, watch tv or read then sleep and work again..

Just sitting, counting the days waiting for something to happen.. living but not enjoying any of it.. it felt more like when you eat good food and you have a cold at the same time.. you keep on eating but without enjoying the taste or the different sweet flavors!

And this is when I felt that im turning to a very annoying bridezilla.. with nothing useful to do but to wait! The only thing that kept me busy was driving everyone around me crazy!

It took me quite a while to realise what im doing to myself and to everyone else! But now that I know, I wish I can change some of the things that i've done, yet Im glad I have sometime to sort some of the damage.
For people who think it's easy, let me tell you that it's not! it's so much pressure, so much tension,,, a seriously complicated mess, so many mixed feelings and weird emotions that sometimes you just can't but blow up. And not to forget the too much excitement which makes you just want to get there as fast as possible.. and of course there's nothing worse than missing loved ones.. this alone makes you numb and sad.

The waiting is bad and the too much worrying annoys,, since I don't have any patience and Im the biggest worrier,, this makes me a uniquely annoying bridezilla!! I admit!

But then two days ago, I thought that this MUST stop. MUST come to an end. I should find a way to get out of what im going through,,, stop this crazy phase and start to act and think rationally... I can't stop my life and wait.. I have to go back to the active D with a busy schedule.

So im back.. and it really feels great to be back! To the positive me.. seeing life with its amazing rainbow colors and all the lovely shades.. but I just want to say sorry to all the people i've hurt!
I get much more hurt when I hurt someone than when I get hurt by someone. Which might be weird yet good because it's then when I know that I need to stop!

There's nothing nicer than the feeling of being active and enjoying life to the fullest,,, to reflect the optimism and positiveness on everyone,,.. now nothing is stopping me! I have something to do every single day and Im getting to enjoy what im doing rather than just waiting till the day ends so that another day would start!