Simply ME...

A star or a rainy cloud,,, realistic or a dreamer,,, tough or emotional,,, a butterfly or a dolphin,,, it is all about me reflecting the transparent me!

Sunday, April 29, 2007

sinking into endless DOUBTS

I was inspired by Soul Blossom's recent post.
Once I read it, I was able to relate immediately to what was written, as I know many people who are going through the same scenario -fighting mixed confusing signals, which make them suffer and give them every reason to be down.

I don't get it.. Why do guys tend to send wrong blurry signals most of the times?!
I've witnessed so many cases and it just makes me speechelss! I remember one time, I thought a friend is exaggerating and misunderstading things. But then from what was said, and done.. it made me think, hell NO, it's his problem.. he's showing one thing yet meaning another. Being a flirt is nice sometimes, but when flirting includes hinting to take this relationship into the next level,, then this is what I call 'playing around'.
Then after those hints hit the target, he just disappears as if nothing really happened, pretending that he was completely misunderstood.

What's wrong with being clear?!

If im to ignore the certain look that says 'Im so interested',,, and to ignore all the sweet nice words, then what about the actions and the extra attention!!?

If you want friendship, then we- 'girls', know how to act and react. We know the boundaries.. we know what it takes and what should be done.

I don't get it.. why can't some guys be a little bit more mature,,, it's not so hard to know if you like someone.. if you don't, then just let that someone live and give her the freedom of choice instead of making her sink into endless doubts and false visions! Stop wasting her time -trying to analyze every word you say.. move you do... look you give! Give her a 'Yes or No'.

28 Comments:

  • At April 29, 2007 , Anonymous Hala said...

    "Then after those hints hit the target, he just disappears as if nothing really happened, pretending that he was completely misunderstood."

    Exactly! I mean it is really annoying. If you cannot stick up to what you say, then do not say it or even intend it in the first place.

    Pretending to be misunderstood? Give me a break ... It is all about being mature and responsible for your own actions.

     
  • At April 29, 2007 , Blogger bara2 said...

    for God sake they are not brave enough to say the truth and if they start " yetzalamo" they get it the wrong way … they are not mature enough to decide wither it's YES or NO … they think that we are stupid .. they are playing with fire out there .. they don’t know " enn kaydahonna 3athem" .. if a man can't be honest with himself .. do u expect him to be honest and straightforward with you??? Nay he won't sweetie .. they are living in a dream that says " oh I CAN have many girls and know one of them will find out that I'm playing around " this is all to show off .. I'M A MAN … and then he starts these mixed signals just to confuse u …I HATE them .. these signals are trouble …

     
  • At April 29, 2007 , Blogger Oriental Arabesque said...

    What can I say?! You just hit on a sensitive nerve.

    The most annoying part is when a guy actually say the words clearly then starts acting weird all of a sudden, and when you finally get tired and confused and decide to confront and ask what is going wrong, he simply answers I think enni tsara3et and we’d better stay friends! That’s really hilarious!!

    enu for how long he was planning to go on and continue in this weird attitude if you didn’t took the initiative and decided to ask because you couldn’t take it any longer!!

    They seriously need to grow up before going into any type of a relation!! What’s wrong with men not being able to keep their words?
    For God’s sake it’s too simple. You said a word then just mean it or don’t say it in the first place. Period.

     
  • At April 29, 2007 , Anonymous Maioush said...

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKH.. albna mn el 7amed lawi ya Dima. Walahi I don’t know what to say, the problem is these kind of things don’t happened ella when you are already confused :S .. like we need confusion in our life!!! What are we suppose to do here??? God only knows

     
  • At April 29, 2007 , Blogger Qwaider قويدر said...

    I'm not going to blabber for 5 minutes before getting to the point ... here's the reason in ONE word:
    Rejection!

     
  • At April 29, 2007 , Anonymous Abed Hamdan said...

    ِOk, girls!

    you do the same, don't you?! I faced this situation, where girls pretended to be misunderstood. so It's not a guy thingy. This the first point


    The second point is, don't take hard on he/she who is not sure or has doubts, because we live on life, and there's no go back, so we should be careful. It happens when you like someone then you find out that he's not the one!


    This is a question (nobody have to answer it):

    Q) What if you like someone for sometime then you found out that he's not the one for you, what would you do?? stay with him out of guilt ?? or leave him for good ??

     
  • At April 29, 2007 , Blogger and life goes on... said...

    Hala.. being misunderstood is their one and only well known excuse ;)_


    bara2 .. I always see them as ones who have floating emotions! They are not in control of their emotions, don't know how to deal with such issues.. and they look at it all as if it's something that should never happened from the beginning! once things get a little bit more serious, they back off!

     
  • At April 29, 2007 , Blogger and life goes on... said...

    Oriental Arabesque.. men keeping up their words!!! I like this! It's very rare. Very Very rare!
    He would go on forever if you don't ask him to be clear and to say what's his true intentions. He doesn't mind it really.. why to, when for him it's something he's enjoying!?

    And there are many losers out there, who'd be with two girls at the same time, keeping up with both and go on like this forever.. and stop only when they are caught!

    Qwaider قويدر .. if this is the case, then he's a COWARD! If a guy can't deal with rejection, then he's definitely not the type of men who's worth being with!

     
  • At April 29, 2007 , Blogger and life goes on... said...

    Abed Hamdan.. why would we do this? It's easy, it's either we like the guy or we don't... very few girls like to be stuck with ones just for fun! c'mmon!

    We look at it from a very different angle! The comparison should not be there anyway.


    'Q) What if you like someone for sometime then you found out that he's not the one for you, what would you do?? stay with him out of guilt ?? or leave him for good ??'

    This has nothing to do with what I wrote :S it's irrelevant! You missed my whole point! I was talking about 'mixed signals'!
    It happens in a very early stage, before even establishing any relationship!

     
  • At April 29, 2007 , Blogger PŕōuđPāŀĩ said...

    here is my answer to hala's post since its the inspiration to this one as well :D

    "i think its the fear of being too open. for some its just to add more spice, the fear of boredom ya3ni. and for others, its the fear of rejection..

    w fi nas bet7eb tetsalla bi 3awa6ef il bashar :smily bished sha3ro: w hadol number 2 on my hate-list!"

     
  • At April 29, 2007 , Blogger and life goes on... said...

    Maioush.. I just got your comment :S! There's definitely something wrong going with my blog !!! it's annoying!

    Yeah 3a oltik as if na'esna to get more confused :D haha.. to keep thinking did he mean this, or that? did he meant to say that instead of this!? LOL

    PŕōuđPāŀĩ.. yeah whatever the reason behind it is, it's so unacceptable and it's not justified! To test humans' feelings is the worst one can get to.. and at a point or another it will get back to him!

     
  • At April 29, 2007 , Blogger PŕōuđPāŀĩ said...

    well thats the beauty of karma, u dont have to worry :D il dinya dawara w betdoor badal il bani2adam, so why bother to get annoyed :D

    bas to be honest, it does get annoying, and i perceive it as selfish and unfair attitude..

     
  • At April 30, 2007 , Blogger and life goes on... said...

    PŕōuđPāŀ.. it does! I believe it does! But as you said it's a selfish attitude that makes me can't be disrespect one who has it.

     
  • At April 30, 2007 , Anonymous Abed Hamdan said...

    Dear Dima,

    It happens at an early stage when you think you like someone and then you find out he's not the one. Before the relationship.

    What if you had crush on someone, and you started to give "positive" signals, then he turned out to be a jerk. you will start sending "negative" signals. <== This is mixed signals to me, before the relationship. And guys do feel confused when they receive mixed signals. Guys do have feelings.

    and no, the numbers of girls who just play for the sake of playing is not low, it's high. Equals if not higher that the number of player men.

    It's my personal opinion anyway..

     
  • At April 30, 2007 , Blogger and life goes on... said...

    Abed Hamdan.. I respect your personal opinion! And come to think of it, maybe the kind of people and the experiences you've witnessed and have been through are different than mine.. after all we form our opinions and thoughts from different situations and life lessons. no ? :)

    I was talking about the mixed signals,,, when a guy doesn't know what he wants! when he says one word yet means another.. when he doesn't have enough courage to face himself and his emotions first and THEN be with someone. When he begs for attention and then once he gets it, he just claims that he was misunderstood! This kind of mixed signals.

     
  • At April 30, 2007 , Blogger Tiger said...

    e7em e7em dastoor ya ahl el dar(la bako7 bas la tfakroo shee tanee)

    shoo shabab etbahdalna bashoof o en'3asalna el yoom 3al a'7er:)
    Bara2 bedee asameek 6aboor '7ames shoo ya zalameh malak 3al shabab?!?!?:)(just joking dear nothin personal)

    abed hamdan 3ala raasee zameel aywa men shan allah etmasa7 feena el ard el yoom:)
    abalesh gargarah o 7achee fathee wela balash???


    now regarding guys and girls well lets say I approve abed hamdan that mixed signals can happen from both sides it is not only strict to men...

    and life goes on..one thing signals comes before commitment okay good.. then u metnioned he would be with two girls at the same time tayeb this is kind of he already did comitment(whatever he is a cheater wela la2 bas this comes way after signals to have two girls at the same time)....

    now the reasons for mixed signals as I see them:
    1.Love Iletracy..yes I would call it and compare to ignoarance becoz they r not taguht what is love or ho to love or how to know what is their real feelings(this is purely family mistake).

    2.Circumenctances sometimes a guy likes a gurl really really bad but doesnt want to commit either becoz of his financial sitiuation,family stuff or his tendance to feel free and not to be tied to anything.hala2 due to his hormons he acts sometimes in a signal lightening way.ya3nee a joke a nice talk a gift u cant control these issues sometimes u go beyond ur limits and start acting nice..it is normal he/she "young hormons works and no brain.."

    3.Ignorance and selfisness again but in diffrent angel he/she sees him/her in a way that he is an amusment and this kind of ppl I hate as ProudPali said nevertheless they exist..then it comes to the other part to know if he/she is that type and build his/her deffense mechanism .

    4.Sometimes(lets say 20% of the cases) when u have a tough love experience that failed and u just go out of it there is something left like an emotinal hall u miss the feeling of being attached to someone ..sometimes u start searching for an alternative and u find one u start signalling and everything works fine but then u stop suddenly for no specific reason other than the deepest fear u would suffer the same pain..(this case happens to girls more than guys by the way:) and especially gurls who have been emotionally abused by selfish***** guys ).

    5.As a guy (shabab bedee tasfeeq 7ar hala2:)) 99% of the signals I gave in my life was based on something called green light from the other side(kart 3boor be mosamayat o'7ra)..Personally I remmember I dealt with a gurl I can categorize as reason 4 she was givin that green light and I was givin signals(wala t2ooloo two cars opposite to each others 3am ba3too falshat la ba3ad:P) at the end she was running when I gave my signals ..well my solution was simple and cruel whenever she gave me green light I would tell her can u switch the light off please!!!!

    hala2 at the end kol el nas '7air o barakeh believe me mixed signals is available on both sides o ana sheklee tawalet 3aleeko wel jomhoor sar bedo eynam :)) tesba7oo 3ala '7air

     
  • At April 30, 2007 , Anonymous Abed Hamdan said...

    yeah, I know this kind of attitude. It takes considerable amount of maturity from a guy to be brave enough to confront himself first, then the girl.

    I got your point the first time I read your post, I just wanted to highlight the fact that this is not only about guys, the same goes for girls. and It could be justified on some occasions.

    The kind you're talking about are either immature or dirty players. The former is more common , I think.

    when is your marriage btw ?? mo nawye te3zeme el bloggers ? :P

     
  • At April 30, 2007 , Blogger Ammar said...

    Ok..mixed signals run both ways.. and when the moment comes to become serious..rather than just flirtatios..the fear of commitment stops one..or the other from committing.

    From my humble experience, the key in all this is called "Emotional Maturity", it has nothing to do with age or gender, once one is Emotioanlly Mature, they become straight forward, because they can read their own emotional chart very clearly, they know that this person is right for them, worth it..and not someone they want to lose. so they go ahead and be straight forward..rejection is an option..but again..from my humble experience..what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

     
  • At April 30, 2007 , Blogger nido said...

    I think that most of those guys are really bad players, who just want to play around with either innocent or easy girls! but I once asked my husband about this, so he said that number one reason is being afraid of rejection! It's funny, how the girl is just waiting for the guy to say sth, to make a real commitment, while on the other hand he thinks she might refuse it, and reject him!!

     
  • At April 30, 2007 , Blogger and life goes on... said...

    YES YES YES.. so this post made the guy talk.. finally :P Im happy reading all those great comments! WOohooo !

    Tiger.. Thank you for your usual super long unique comments! :)

    The main post was meant to be 'before establishing any relationships.. as the mixed signals happen first thing even before falling for the person.'
    So just ignore my 'two girls at the same time' comment.. that was for Oriental Arabesque ;)

    Thanks for the points, they said it all.. I can't think of any other reason that might be a reason to flash all the wrong mixed feelings! well said.. really !

     
  • At April 30, 2007 , Blogger and life goes on... said...

    Abed Hamdan.. yeah I can imagine it could happen with girls too :$ but with the kind of girls Im usually around, It didn't and don't think it would! What's funny too is that not even once, the kind of girls I know were the first to initiate the 'breaking up'!

    Shou you seem not to notice the counter on my blog or what?! :P :P
    The big day is on the 7th of July inshalla.. o ahla o sahla b kul 7ada, the wedding would be complete b ma3azimo ya3ni :D

    Ammar.. I liked your comment! Exactly, it has everything to do with 'Emotional Maturity' and 'emotional acknowledgement'// And as you said, it has nothing to do with age! One can be 40 years old and still feel he's not ready to get committed! An answer to one question would make you get closer to know what you want.. 'Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him/her, or no'!!? Tough one but the answer would solve it all.

     
  • At April 30, 2007 , Blogger and life goes on... said...

    nido.. yeah true! Rejection is hard, but I think one should be able to deal with it.. it's better than losing a chance of having something so precious just because of fear.. no!!? ;)

     
  • At April 30, 2007 , Anonymous Abed Hamdan said...

    July let it be!

    bajee w bajeblek el shabaaaab, bnodboklek :P

    alf mabrook mosbaqan

     
  • At April 30, 2007 , Blogger and life goes on... said...

    Abed Hamdan.. :D :) Thank you dear, 3o'baaaaaaaaaaalaaaaaaaaak :P

     
  • At May 02, 2007 , Blogger Side said...

    I've been at both ends here :S In many cases it is the fear of rejection that causes mixed signals. Sometimes the thrill of the chase is where the fun is and when the chase is over and you have what you wanted, you may see things differently but then again maybe you won't.

    If the guy or girl backs out after the chase is over, it can mean this is all they wanted and nothing more, it can be a change of heart or even emotional immaturity.

    Relationships are not always easy, the rules are not always clear and the outcome is never a sure thing. We don't all follow the same rules or feel the same things. Once bitten, twice shy. You dive right in head first but maybe next time you will look before you leap.

     
  • At May 02, 2007 , Blogger and life goes on... said...

    Side.. the thrill of chase and the extra attention one gets at the beginning of any relationship, in my opinion, are the main reasons for mixed signals! Of course along with lacking 'emotional maturity'.

    Relationships are not always easy, I totally agree! And it all depends on the two who are involved. You can't be in one relationship and expects things to be the same if you're with a different person. The person you're with helps in building a different new unique concept to whataver there is between you.

    'You dive right in head first but maybe next time you will look before you leap.'.. I like this! ;) very true!

     
  • At May 02, 2007 , Anonymous Hala said...

    AHHH FINALLY, a guy who actually gets it.

    Ammar, loved your comment.

    :)

     
  • At May 02, 2007 , Blogger and life goes on... said...

    Hala.. loool! It's nice to feel that there's a guy.. at least one guy - at our side ;)

     

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