Being AWAY.. the First time I CRY

Last night was the first time I cry because Im away! It's not that I don't feel down from time to time cause I miss people back home, but yesterday it was different.
The circle of people you miss when you're away gets smaller with time, and those who stays in your mind always and forever are the parents, siblings, and few very close friends. The rest will be there, but remembered only when certain incidents happen. Not more than that.
It happened.. The thing I was scared of the most! and It felt horrible.

So what happens is that I can be strong, I can be anything no matter how I really feel, and as long as people around me are happy. When I sense that my happiness would cause someone else's misery.. or that my dad is not feeling ok because he misses me, then this is when It hurts the most.

I don't usually pay attention to how I feel, as I see it this way, I gain my happiness from people around me. Their happiness means my happiness. As long as they're ok then Im ok.
And the fact that I love to be there.. if someone feels down as I'd strongly believe that it's my responsibility (even if I have nothing to do with it) to make him feel better, and me being away does not help in anyway.
It hurts a lot, when you have all kinds of different emotions mixed together.. you're sad because you want those that are close to your heart to be happy yet you can do nothing about it. You're confused, you're down, you feel useless. This is when it gets harder.

so I cried myself to sleep, and I thank God that today looks like a better day...