Simply ME...

A star or a rainy cloud,,, realistic or a dreamer,,, tough or emotional,,, a butterfly or a dolphin,,, it is all about me reflecting the transparent me!

Thursday, January 17, 2008

The black BOX

The other day I was chatting with my sister and she was telling me that our grandpa died four years and 6 days ago.. my reaction was REALLY!? And she said how come you don’t remember the date? Not even the year?


It’s then when I realized that I try to block the memory… the saddest memories are the ones which I keep in this black box at the very end of my mind, and whenever something reminds me of anything that’s even close to what hurts, I just block it and push it further..
Im not sure whether it’s good or bad, but I know for a fact that it’s the only way to control my extremely sensitive nature.
Does this mean Im able to control my emotions? Or better to say it means that Im scared to let those emotions control me so I try to avoid them as much as I can and avoid getting in a deep depression…


It hurts not to remember those dates, the bitter moments, the painful memories .. but then again what good would happen from remembering them? If you lose someone so dear, then the memory wouldn’t get him back, nor would the broken heart.. and even when I want to remember him, I don’t think of him as sick or weak laying in the hospital’s bed for months.. I blocked that too, long time ago! All I remember now is how strong and healthy he was.. sitting in his favourite corner close to the table with his grandchildren photos’ frames…


I really hope that this black box would hold no more blocked dates or sad memories, I hope that 2008 will be a year with all the happy events that I would want to remember and treasure for years to come..

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