Simply ME...

A star or a rainy cloud,,, realistic or a dreamer,,, tough or emotional,,, a butterfly or a dolphin,,, it is all about me reflecting the transparent me!

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

blocked doors

I want to remember the last couple of weeks, but I can't. I have no idea how did I get here. To this new sense of numbness.

Maybe because I have wished for it, and prayed for it over and over again. Everywhere and anywhere.. before sleeping and after waking up. I feel that I am in this place where there are certain doors that are just blocked, I can't go there.. I can't find the memory.. I can't seem to get close to any of it. I try to find concentration and feel what it felt back then.. but I just can't.

I know for a fact that something has changed in me, but it's just like a puzzle.. I can't seem to find the exact turning point. I can't seem to find how or when did it all happen. It is mystery and I will keep it this way!

I am not going to over analyze it, I will just accept it because this confusing numbness is just like a wall that protects me from my own unwanted thoughts, ideas or emotions.

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4 Comments:

  • At September 01, 2009 , Blogger Gardenia said...

    I know how you feel "I guess" .. I have been there .. at that time, I felt like watching someone else's life ... I coouldn't feel what I should feel in such cases ... Now, after few months, I think God protected my in his own way.

    I hope things will get better soon. I know they will.

     
  • At September 01, 2009 , Anonymous kinzi said...

    Going 'numb' is a temporary coping mechanism, but it well eventually reach your heart if you are not careful.

    Praying for you.

     
  • At September 01, 2009 , Blogger and life goes on... said...

    Kinzi I think it's just like what Gardenia said.. it's more like God is protecting me in his own way. I can't be more blessed and I prayed to get to this stage so hard.. i think he answered my prayer!!

     
  • At September 02, 2009 , Anonymous afaf said...

    once the body is enduring alot of emotional/physical hardship, it blocks its memory, so that the body avoid being in shock, and this is the way our body protects itself...unfortunately, this is only for certain time, but then u have to cope with it...go through it step by step wisely...to avoid pain!!!
    does that make any sense to u??

     

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