blocked doors

I want to remember the last couple of weeks, but I can't. I have no idea how did I get here. To this new sense of numbness.

Maybe because I have wished for it, and prayed for it over and over again. Everywhere and anywhere.. before sleeping and after waking up. I feel that I am in this place where there are certain doors that are just blocked, I can't go there.. I can't find the memory.. I can't seem to get close to any of it. I try to find concentration and feel what it felt back then.. but I just can't.

I know for a fact that something has changed in me, but it's just like a puzzle.. I can't seem to find the exact turning point. I can't seem to find how or when did it all happen. It is mystery and I will keep it this way!

I am not going to over analyze it, I will just accept it because this confusing numbness is just like a wall that protects me from my own unwanted thoughts, ideas or emotions.