Sad Goodbyes

Today was my last day at work as a casual for the USYD Veterinary Financial Department. I didn't have a good sleep last night.. last days always make me sad!

As soon as I got to the office I found this huge bouquet of pink flowers on my desk.

I was so shocked and impressed that I did not pay attention to the card next to it.. so I was thanking the three people working with me in the same office, and kept saying how great the flowers are, and how nice of them, and how the tea party they were having for me was more than enough, and that they shouldn't have brought them .. how I wish I had my camera with me... wow, yay, all those kind of things

till all of a sudden one of them was like, we are so happy that you liked them.. sorry but those flowers are not from us!!! We were waiting for you to come, read the card and tell us who sent those beautiful pink flowers!

It was so damn funny.

It turned out the flowers and the pink glittery card were from the financial manager who had to spend the day in another city but wanted to make sure that I get them in my last day..

Super sweet! I would definitely remember the pink flowers instead of the sad goodbyes.

No more .. No more

Im finding it hard to believe that I am free.. like totally free. It's been one hell of a year.. with all the traveling, adventures, decisions, surprises, studying, and working! But now Im done with one of the major causes of stress.. EXAMS. ASSIGNMENTS. DUE DATES. GROUP MEETINGS. PRESENTATIONS. RESEARCH

It's too good to be true!

Now when I look back I feel extremely proud of myself. Yes, it is just a piece of paper, but for me it's much more than that.. it's so much effort, work, readings, knowledge, friendships, experiences.. for me it's a huge achievement and a big jump from where I was to where I am today.

When dad went to change my ticket two days ago, he heard great stuff about me from the travel agent.. about the days I used to work in LH and how everyone keeps saying those days were the best. He couldn't wait till I call him, so that he'd tell me about it.. and I heard this warm tone of a proud dad in his voice! It felt really special..

The thing is that I am finding it hard to make myself used to the idea that I don't have to rush back home.. or look for academic journals. I don't have to do more readings, writings, and I don't have to stay away from Facebook and msn so that I would focus and concentrate.

I don't have to suffer from all the Masters degree demands which I have used to think about and worry even when Im sleeping.

What a wonderful feeling! It gives me every reason to celebrate..... BIG TIME.

Im looking forward to the following stage.. and to start planning carefully for what's next.

ONE conversation

It took me one msn chat, with an old 'friend', to realize that it's been a really long time for me to hear what I call now SILLY stories.

There was a timewhen I used to enjoy them, not because they were entertaining, but because there was nothing else to do.

Now i feel extremely disgusted. And it makes me wonder, will those people ever grow up!? Like seriously!

I no longer feel disappointed when people whom I once called 'friends' act in an unacceptable way.. I don't even think about it, especially now with being this far.. so many things have happened in my life that I can hardly find anything in common! Our lives have changed in all the different ways.. this is what I thought.

But it seems that mine have changed, while they are still holding tight to that same old shallow life..

And i am realizing that the circle of people I miss and care for is getting smaller with time.. that it just includes family and few close friends. This does not only make my life smoother with less headaches, but it also makes me more caring and loving for those who are still there.. in the heart and mind.

Now more than ever, I look back and think.. how on earth did I think that I belonged there?!

a path to Inner Peace

The future of Tomorrow

'When we fail to measure up to a stated vision, as it inevitable will at times, we should not despair. Rather let us take up the challenge together to bring our reality closer to our vision.

The future we will experience tomorrow is created one step at a time today.'

Taken from the Whole Foods Market website- written in their 'Declaration of Interdependence', after the mini scandal of their founder and CEO.

just wondering

Good thing I haven't forgotten my password! The last time I posted something was on the 28th of May.

Time flies! I was in this strange phase, and didn't feel like blogging. I think it will take me a while to really get into it. I was also busy with a personal project, where I started writing but with no one to read, and it made me realize how blogging doesn't really help in anything. People just end up writing what others want to read eventually, and avoiding everything else. I really wanted to have my own space, to write anything and everything, but with no one to read or comment..

And I have been wondering whether I want to keep my 'Simply Me'.. and if not, then would I really want to lose all my posts!? I guess not!

how would it feel.. ?!

It is when I realize that I am spending all my time on research and studying, I look out of the window.. and wonder how would it feel to have all the time in the world again, how would it feel to relax, how would it feel just to enjoy.. Am I missing out on all what can be fun!!?

At times like this, when I desperately need a break, when I need to go back and taste the sweetness of not worrying about time, not worrying about deadlines, group meetings, finals.. the answer would be simple and clear.. YES, I AM!

On 'Structuring' ... and moving forward

I must admit that one of the most important things I have learned during those two semesters is structuring. And not only on paper, but in thinking too. I used to complicate things, and didn't really know from where to start when having to write anything. When I look back at my very first assignments, It amuses me how much this all have changed.. the style of writing, research and applying the right ways to support any arguments.

Whenever I see people wearing graduation gowns it makes me yearn for next semester (which is the last). But I keep thinking, would I really want to stop the research.. would I be happy to be done with all that Im learning!? There will always be a part of me that wants more.. more knowledge, more education, more definitions, more new concepts, more of being able to talk in any topic and any discussion, more of valid arguments, more of different opinions, .. just more of all.

So would this be a first step for something big? would the little bits of research we're doing now be just the beginning...

I hope so, and I want so.. studying here is different, it's definitely more rewarding, stronger, and powerful. Im not the same person I was a year ago. And the more I think about it, the more I want to move forward and go further..

it's easy to tell

It would be more fun to get some exciting unexpected news from time to time.. but what I find extremely strange is that even those whom I lost contact with and now we're back in touch, I wasn't surprised to know their news.

Even for those who were with me in elementary school it was easy to tell who would get married early.. who would be having children by now, who is pursuing a master's degree.. who is leading a normal peaceful life as a housewife.. who is having a good career and who will stay where they are for years to come. It's either that all the signs would show from an early age of how each and everyone will want to live his life and where he will be.. or it's simply because people get what best suit them or what they can handle best.

I remember someone told me, 'I can't imagine you living where I am, and at the same time I can't imagine me living where you are.. !', and when I thought about it.. it is so very true. And it's exactly the same way I feel too.

What a positive thing to think about and remember !

Facts and Figures (couples)

Jordanian couples living in Amman


11


Jordanian couples living abroad


19


* Couples- taken from my Facebook list with the avoidance of double counting.

* Couples = married/ or engaged

The first question that crosses my mind when I get a friend request from a friend that I haven’t seen in a while would be: where are you living, still in Amman?! Maybe It’s part of me wanting to know who shares the same experience.. etc, or how it is that life made us take different paths, and live in different parts of the world.. and it’s really shocking the amount of people whom I know and who no longer live in Amman!

Muddled Thoughts

I often get confused when it comes to what people say and consider as a joke. Some of those jokes I find extremely unacceptable, especially when there's a hidden meaning behind them. I learned it the hard way, I will REFUSE and will never let anyone interfere with my personal life. I will never ever think that revealing what's personal help in solving problems, cause after marriage your personal life would happen to involve two.. and it's so unfair to consider it as yours only. I will not allow anyone to cross the lines, and I would fight anyone with ill intentions, causing troubles even without intending to.

It's just amazing all the levels of maturity that develop after marriage, and it's astonishing the strong feelings of protection that you get to hold for your little kingdom. There should always be this unbreakable fence around it, and if you let anyone in even if only once, others would also follow, and this will make things way out of control.. what started with a mistake will end up in a tragedy.

I learned that you can say things to the wrong people.. you can hear things that can affect you for quite a long time from the wrong people too.. and when it gets tough you'd find it hard to differentiate between a friend with a good intention but lacks the skill to express, hence gets misunderstood.. and a bad friend hidden carefully behind a colorful mask. You can do many things that might seem vague to others, and this all shouldn't really hold you back.. cause it would all happen for the one and only reason.. keeping the ship moving smoothly away from any destroying waves.

I learned that it's great to be sociable, but it's not too great to be too nice. That it is in your hands to make things work or walk out on them. That you need to open up and be honest with yourself before looking for answers from anywhere or anyone else.. and that patience, faith, and confidence can be the key to almost all closed doors and can get you out of everything including the unthinkable.

on relationships

This is the topic that everyone talked and wrote about at least once, if not more. It is an interesting topic, and I personally can't skip a post that touches any aspect of it.

But I sometimes wonder, how come we always try to analyze it.. in an attempt to come up with advices, solutions, or just write down our thoughts and share what we think we know .. talk out of experience or just for the sake of talking ..when deep inside we all believe it's a subject that doesn't really need so much thinking. Each and every relationship is different.. you just can't compare or give advices based on what you have been through.. simply because that was another thing.. each relationship has different circumstances, and conditions that are related and linked to that certain one in particular.

Some people say we have learned lessons from what we have been through, but I think this should not be the case.. it happens that what is deep inside lives with you.. grows with you.. and you can't be thinking of what you are currently living based on what you have learned. You don't need to do that.. things that happened were history, that was past and you can't drag it to the present! It's a buried chapter.. and most probably they won't happen again. You can't live every minute expecting the worst... and you can't let fears control you.

This is why I would always say that relationships are not a topic to analyze .. you can't feel confident enough or in the right position to give advices regarding what or how should relationships be. It is something that each and everyone should experience on his own.. live.. and keep everyone out of it! In most disagreements between couples, when people get involved it might get worse not better. Unfortunately, there are many people out there (they might even be relatives or close friends) who don't realize how sensitive things can get or be. A sentence or a simple word that is said without deep thinking might add fuel to the fire..

Relationships can be extremely complicated, this is why I learned that if there are problems between two partners.. and if i don't have anything positive to say then it's better not to say a thing. No one really knows what happens inside the house but the people who live in it.. so regardless of all that is said and shared, there will always be some issues that only the two really know.

It is a topic I personally enjoy.. It is more like a mystery.. no matter how far you think you reach or how wise you think you are, you'd be surprised to learn that there is still more to know and this is only the beginning..

just Be yourself, will you?!

A small advice, you will never get to that level.. no matter how much you try! so will you just give up and be yourself, and stop being a copy cat for a change. It's funny how some people spend their whole life tying to be someone else, when all they get is one fall after another..

Stop looking for what others have, and just enjoy being you. If it's the 'you' who you want to change, and you're not fully satisfied with who you are then you have a serious problem, cause nothing will change the reality.. Im enjoying the imitation, it gives me more pleasure to know that you still have that kind of empty life and that same poor pathetic nature. A 'wanna be' follower will get you to no where.. look for your real identity and maybe one day- who knows- you'll probably get the peace of mind you're still, and will always be looking for.

a conceited fool

the best way to deal with arrogance, is simply to save your time on something that's of more importance and to just ignore!

The more attention you're given, the bigger fool you're making of yourself... maybe ignorance would fix your big, shallow, empty head.